Trudging Through the Mire

For  a while now, I have felt like I am swimming through muck - using all my strength to move just one limb at a time, trying to find solid ground. And instead, only finding more muck. It pulls at me, it clings to me, it threatens to constantly overwhelm me with it's murky depths.  There's also fog, a fog so thick that I can't see a foot ahead of me. Am I heading in the right direction? Am I close to solid ground? Or I am trudging the wrong way, only to be eventually consumed by the mire? 

It is frustrating, to say the least. But such is faith. If we could see where we were going at all times, and if we always had reliable ground beneath our feet there would be no need for faith, and no need for God. Faith is what inspires us to carry on through the muck even when we can't see what is ahead of us. Faith is what lights the fire in our hearts that keeps us warm in the darkest of times. And faith is trusting that God is there, and will help us even when we are in the most desperate of times. 

I feel like so often in my life I am flailing around like a child in muddy waters, while Heavenly Father calmly stands there with His hand out-stretched, waiting for us to take hold of it. And yet, I still thrash around. Until finally, I am drowning, and it is only then that I desperately reach up and grab hold. 

Is it any wonder then, that I keep finding pits of mud? I suppose that I will continue to flail until I can learn to trust God FIRST, and not as a last resort. 

A wonderful friend once said "We cannot see what the future holds, so why not trust our future to the one who does? God knows what is ahead. Trust Him to lead you right."

I love this. It is such a powerful statement of truth! Why is it that we so often rely on our own strength and intelligence to make decisions, or to find peace, when we can't see what's ahead? Shouldn't we be willing - indeed, EAGER - to put our trust in someone who we KNOW is perfect, omnipotent, and knows us better than we know ourselves?

A couple of weeks ago I became desperate - I was drowning and I couldn't see any hope. It was finally at this point that I realized that I needed my Heavenly Father's help, badly, and that He was the only one who could truly save me. I prayed and prayed and prayed for peace, for help, for faith, and for a hand to hold.

I was being buried under the weight of my own life - struggling through mud I had mostly created myself, and then climbing out, only to fall into a bog that wasn't of my own doing. I felt like I couldn't win, and much too slowly, I remembered that God was there for me.

I received peace - peace as overwhelming as had been the muck- and have felt God's loving hand guiding my life.. I'm still clumsily making my way through mud, and the fog hasn't faded away, but I feel the constant presence of my Heavenly Father and my Savior as I go. 

Not only that, but God has placed other people in my life as well to help me through my trials: great friends who understand me and my struggles and love me and help me, family that supports and loves me no matter what. 

This is faith. This whole process - it's falling into pits of sludge, losing your way, remembering - just in time - your Heavenly Father who loves you, and taking His hand. Faith is not just the "taking God's hand" part. Nor is it just the pit of sludge. Faith is not just knowing God is there, but is also LEARNING that He is there for you - sometimes by a process of trial and error. 

I have tried to fight my way through trials too many times without God. And I still frequently don't turn to Him as quickly as I should, but I am learning, line upon line, that He is ALWAYS there, and He ALWAYS loves me. I want to trust Him absolutely! He is the one that knows what's ahead and behind. He is the one that has known me an ETERNITY longer than anyone else. He is the one that perfectly understands and perfectly rescues. So, instead of relying upon my fallible, inexperienced, and dreadfully ignorant self, I am going to put my life in Heavenly Father's hands. 

Today I want to share something fairly short, but hopefully sweet.

For those of you who have ever dealt with a chronic illness, you know that it is a daily struggle. Every day it seems there is a new challenge to work through - a new ordeal that crops up that you have to learn how to manage in your own way in your own time. On top of this you have the normal daily grind to wrestle with. Its a struggle to wake up, to exercise, to smile when you are in pain.... It is difficult often times to keep yourself going enough to accomplish everything you want to accomplish that day. Anyone with chronic illness knows that its no party. All of us face challenges every day in life, but those who struggle with illness often feel like they are struggling with things that are MUCH too simple and it can be very frustrating. 

There is one thing that has probably helped keep me going more than anything else, and that is the little things. 

On the days that I pay attention to the little blessings in my life, the subtle beauties, the tender mercies, life is just better. If I wake up at night or can't sleep (a frequent enough occurrence to frustrate me even if I was naturally a patient person), I try to pay attention to the small things that make my life beautiful. Sometimes its as simple as stepping outside to view how amazing the natural world is. Sometimes its reflecting on how grateful I am for a hot shower, or its thinking back to the many times I have seen God's hand in my life. 

Its taken me a while to decide if I should post this. I want to share only the things that are most pertinent and important. But the more I have thought on how much this has helped me through the most difficult of days, I decided that maybe it was time to share. 

I truly believe that all of us are blessed in many ways that we don't notice. Its noticing the sunrise, or happening across a mini miracle that reminds that I am still living in a beautiful world. Its the little things that remind me that no matter how hard life is, I wouldn't want to miss it for anything. Even on the days that I am sick and stuck in bed, I am amazed by the beauty of the English language, or at how nice it is to have a comfortable bed. And just noticing those things makes it much easier for me to deal with the current trial I am  then dealing with. 

God loves us. He has given us SO much to make our lives glorious and colorful. And even with all the trials I have been through, and the many I know I will have to experience later, I wouldn't miss this life for the world. :)